You Don’t Hate Your Life

Hi you,

Wow, that was wild. Do you even remember what just happened? Well, the important thing is you did it and now it’s done! That baby is out and he is perfect. Congratulations, you’re a fucking hero.

Also, that wasn’t the hard part.

You will soon be so under-slept and overwhelmed that when your mother-in-law offers to help you feed the baby you will burst into tears at the realization that you, too, will one day be a mother-in-law. You’re going to spend some time crying in the bathroom thinking that this child has ruined your life. You’re going to feel deep anger and resentment toward your husband as he goes for another ten-mile run. You’re going to feel torturous anxiety about the state of your relationship when a five-day-long snowstorm traps your family of 3 in the house and you almost murder each other.

Don’t worry - all of this is normal. You don’t hate your baby and you don’t hate your life.

Also, you’ve probably noticed that your body doesn’t look like your body. In fact, you still look about 6 months pregnant. That line down the center of your stomach is still dark as ever, and your feet are a size bigger than they once were. Sorry to tell you that that’s not going to get better for awhile, much longer than you hoped. And don’t get excited about your big boobs - those two are going to deflate the moment you stop breastfeeding. Oh, and have I mentioned that you’re going to have either a mouth or a dreaded breast pump attached to them for the foreseeable future?

This feels like a lot right now. It is a lot.

You will wonder if you will ever return to the fun-loving, active, spontaneous person you once were. First of all, that’s not a completely accurate depiction of yourself. But that aside, the answer is yes, kind of. Soon your baby will smile. Then he’ll laugh! You’ll see the sunshine peaking in. The roller coaster doesn't really end but you'll start recognizing the highs - so high that your heart threatens to burst out of your chest - just as strongly as the lows.

You'll have babysitters. You'll have weekends away and international trips that are fun even though they are toddler-centered. You'll go for (short) hikes. You'll find a new rhythm and a new normal. And soon, you're going to want to do this all over again. So you see, it can't be that bad.

Love and solidarity,