You Haven’t Failed Him

To my dear sweet 3-week postpartum self,

He isn’t screaming at you. I know, I know, technically he is screaming in your face but it isn’t AT you. It has nothing to do with you. You haven’t failed him. His wails aren’t his way of pleading for a different mother, for a different life. He is finding his way. He’s uncomfortable for a whole host of reasons that no one has figured out yet. And while we’re on the topic, it’s not your fault that it’ll take a few months to figure those things out. In fact, when the doctors don’t believe you you’re going to push harder - and you’re going to be right.

Back to today.

You’re supposed to go to a lactation support group today.

I know you don’t want to go. I know you’ve been crying all morning. I know you called your partner pleading for permission to stay home, but he encouraged you to go. I know you hate your reflection. I know the baby will cry the whole car ride and you will be tempted to turn back. I know you will cry through the whole group.

It will change your life.

You’ll meet your people and start to form your village. You’ll become more confident in your motherhood. Your life will never be the same.

Oh, I am so fucking excited for you. The dark days will linger a bit longer, but you have no idea the beauty that is to come. Pretty soon that baby will be a toddler, and you will have to hold yourself back from squeezing him so tight every moment of the day.

Go. Put yourself out there. Meet other parents.

I’ll see you on the other side.

xoxo