You're Still a Human, With a Human Body, and a Human Mind, and a Human Heart

Hello, you!

Hey, you have a baby now! 

I know you wanted this baby so badly you went through actual hell and back with an absurdly complicated, stressful, LONG conception process and ultimately two rounds of IVF, all of which left you deeply depressed -- and finally pregnant. You were very sick for your entire, long-awaited pregnancy. You experienced an exceedingly rare birth complication (.4% of births!), leading to a difficult emergency C-section. The road has been long. It's been a fucking slog. It's okay to still be angry, even now. Shit, ESPECIALLY now. 

After all that hard work, IT'S STILL OKAY not to enjoy every second of your baby's life. It's okay to complain about sleep deprivation and your poor nipples. It's okay to cry in front of the pediatrician and watch TV all day long and text with near strangers about how exhausted and overwhelmed you both are. Your path here doesn't mean you are any different from any other new parent, except that possibly, you're even more tired (existentially and otherwise). Now that you have the baby that nearly killed you (a couple of times!), you're still a human, with a human body, and a human mind, and a human heart. 

It might not feel worth it right away. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Repeat after me: THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD MOM. It makes you a human mom. And that's exactly who your human baby needs. 

It's going to get more worth it: not all at once, and not consistently, but over time, you're going to slowly crawl out of this weird hormonal abyss and start to see your baby's dimples, her curls, her laugh. You'll sleep again (I think). You'll have great sex again. You'll be a boss at work again. You'll still be you. Now with an adorable sidekick that you literally willed into existence. And it will be so worth it. 

Love,

Me